(Note: This was an actual letter I wrote to the National Giro Bank on the 21st of September 1982).
The cover letter:
Dear Sirs,
In this letter I have sent,
Each and every word is meant.
I would have sent an irate letter,
But thought a poem would be much better.
The letter:
Dear Sirs,
Twas on the thirty first of March in Nineteen Eighty One,
Ten Pounds I paid, you wrote to me, my account it had began.
You wrote "Your account is open and your number shown above,
and specially printed cheques and slips will be sent to you with love",
From then on till June the thirtieth of Nineteen Eighty Two,
Eighteen GiroBank Statements I have received from you,
Twas on July the thirty first, in the middle of the year,
I asked for a guarantee card, but the card did not appear,
Instead, two weeks later, a letter I did receive,
I read it once, I read it twice, and sirs it made me grieve,
It said, "Thank you Mr Peters, for your Guarantee card request,
But I regret we cannot help you, even though we did our best.
"However, when six months have passed since you started with the Giro,
Please write again with your request, if possible in biro".
My brain did not believe my eyes, so I rang you on the phone,
and told my tale to a tape machine, 'cos no-one was at home.
And now, two weeks even later, I write to you the same,
And ask you go to my account and look at it again.
And if after one year and six months of my account gone by,
I cannot have the card I want, Please won't you tell me why?
And one more thing I ask of you if I may be so bold,
Please will you send a statement saying how much cash I hold?
And if when a card I do receive then your department I will thank,
and I shall say, hip hip hooray, for the National GiroBank.
By John Peters
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Contact John@bigshaggydog.com